All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?