He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.