Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.