The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.