I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.