Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.