I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.