so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.