so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?