Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.