The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.