He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants