I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.