You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.