I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you