The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.