Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker