I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.