I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus