Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (925)

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  (925): View more from California

  I hope this adventure ends at a hospital

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  (925): I hope this adventure ends at a hospital http://tfl.nu/tvb7
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  is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?

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  (925): is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday? http://tfl.nu/7ar8
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  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

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  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
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  These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

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  (925): These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/wa4w
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  Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.

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  (925): Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear. http://tfl.nu/48r4
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  At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

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  (925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg
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  I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

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  (925): I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized' http://tfl.nu/3ov3
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  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

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  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (6254) Bad night (902)
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  I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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  (925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs
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  You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

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  (925): You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman. http://tfl.nu/wynx
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  It smells like ranch

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  Must be all the white people

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  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5372) Bad night (1772)
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  Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??

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  Yes. Yes it is.

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  (925): Is snow just God skeeting all over the place?? (1-925): Yes. Yes it is. http://tfl.nu/ofba
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  She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

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  (925): She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again. http://tfl.nu/nmj5
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  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

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  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
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  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

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  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
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