My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts