The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point