After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol