Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car