I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.