drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?