drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?