The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.