Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (760)

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  (760): View more from California

  double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

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  (760): double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors http://tfl.nu/3oh4
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  It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

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  (760): It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience. http://tfl.nu/sxy7
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  I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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  (760): I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog http://tfl.nu/x4z4
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  Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.

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  (760): Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule. http://tfl.nu/62pd
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  You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..

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  (760): You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching.. http://tfl.nu/8ueu
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  Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

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  (760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5
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  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
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  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

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  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

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  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
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  My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

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  (760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4
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  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

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  Wow.

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  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
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  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
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  Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

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  (760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!? http://tfl.nu/iolx
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  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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  (760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny
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  The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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  (760): The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper. http://tfl.nu/pbch
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  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

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  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
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