I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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Houston, we have a blender
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done