He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).