I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME