Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (760)

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  (760): View more from California

  I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

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  (760): I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs. http://tfl.nu/67s4
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  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
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  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

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  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

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  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
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  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

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  You are my hero

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  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
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  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

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  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

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  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
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  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

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  (760): Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint. http://tfl.nu/71cw
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  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

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  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
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  What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

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  (760): What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch? http://tfl.nu/c2lm
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  Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...

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  (760): Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some... http://tfl.nu/wqbb
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  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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  (760): i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel. http://tfl.nu/n5cq
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  We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.

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  (760): We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends. http://tfl.nu/k3i4
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  Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.

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  (760): Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate. http://tfl.nu/nm6j
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  do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?

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  and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook

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  (909): do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"? (760): and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook http://tfl.nu/nbai
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  fuck your aforementioned shoe

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  (760): fuck your aforementioned shoe http://tfl.nu/6ubu
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  oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year

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  (760): oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year http://tfl.nu/nw70
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