Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry