Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real