Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.