Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..