I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?