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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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