I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?