so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.