im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.