When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.