Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed