Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.