How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it