Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (530)

Last Night in California (530)

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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

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(530): I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon. http://tfl.nu/vb88

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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

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(530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f

Replies (52) Good night (2217) Bad night (9965)
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud

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(530): Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud http://tfl.nu/4tef

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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

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(530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e

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Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

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(530): Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed. http://tfl.nu/pk0q

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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(530): before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake http://tfl.nu/dlo4

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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.

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(530): I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons. http://tfl.nu/pcjk

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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

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(530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg

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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

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Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

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(530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk

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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.

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(530): both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed. http://tfl.nu/da2p

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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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(530): Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls. http://tfl.nu/qy86

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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.

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(530): I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/7iib

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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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(530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1

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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

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(530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo

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My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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(530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm

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Last Night in California (530)

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