Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication