Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (530)

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  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
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  the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

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  (530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo
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  My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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  (530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm
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  I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS

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  (530): I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS http://tfl.nu/jjgj
  Replies (36) Good night (4913) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers

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  (530): smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers http://tfl.nu/y866
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  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6557) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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  (530): just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life http://tfl.nu/64wx
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  I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.

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  (530): I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store. http://tfl.nu/ogm6
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  We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?

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  (530): We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef? http://tfl.nu/bmpn
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  you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.

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  (530): you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts. http://tfl.nu/kee8
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  i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

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  (530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry http://tfl.nu/jhtm
  Replies (12) Good night (1137) Bad night (5572) Order T-Shirt
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  It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan

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  (530): It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan http://tfl.nu/v151
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  i'm lost and i look like a hooker

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  (530): i'm lost and i look like a hooker http://tfl.nu/mbk3
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  If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.

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  (530): If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed. http://tfl.nu/4web
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  69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle

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  (530): 69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle http://tfl.nu/56qq
  Replies (31) Good night (613) Bad night (6465) Order T-Shirt