Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.