I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.