This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too