If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants