All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.