omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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