I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short