guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.