Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever