So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...