Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
