I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.