walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.