I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night