I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy