Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?