Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.