Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.