i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me