I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door