I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.