So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight