So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight