She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.