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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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