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Last Night in Michigan (517)

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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet

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(517): I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet http://tfl.nu/acf5

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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.

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(517): Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call. http://tfl.nu/hx3q

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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough

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(517): My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough http://tfl.nu/k0hj

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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.

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(517): We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up. http://tfl.nu/37cl

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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

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(517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44

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After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

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(517): After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders. http://tfl.nu/u1xt

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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.

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(517): I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole. http://tfl.nu/6med

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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.

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(517): well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle. http://tfl.nu/5dkw

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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.

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(517): Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned. http://tfl.nu/fz01

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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

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(517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj

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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

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(517): at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees. http://tfl.nu/qho2

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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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(517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr

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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.

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(517): Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/tw02

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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.

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(517): And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single. http://tfl.nu/lqam

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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy

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(517): These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy http://tfl.nu/omc1

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Last Night in Michigan (517)

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