I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night