You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.