All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!