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You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
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