What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...