When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.