Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (323)

Last Night in California (323)

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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

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(323): Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision. http://tfl.nu/3mn1

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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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(323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj

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may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.

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First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.

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(323): may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in. (818): First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/s5xw

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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

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(323): Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle. http://tfl.nu/1g9t

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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

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(323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh

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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.

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(323): She really thought E.D. was a sexually position. http://tfl.nu/ymfw

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Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.

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(323): Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/rf3y

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If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

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Sounds like a plan.

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(818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib

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Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn

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I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5

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Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.

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(323): Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering. http://tfl.nu/bd5j

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The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

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Did you put it in the freezer again?

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(323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz

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Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

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We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

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Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

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(323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23

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Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

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How mad was your dog?

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(619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night (323): How mad was your dog? http://tfl.nu/x6ig

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We should be called the Road Head Warriors

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(323): We should be called the Road Head Warriors http://tfl.nu/vuex

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Last Night in California (323)

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